Is there really a light at the end of the tunnel??

I had my appointment with the OBGYN last Friday and my life seems to get more complicated every day. It seems like getting pregnant is going to take a lot of work (and I don't mean the good kind) and a lot of patients, which I don't have right now.

She told me that we are going to have to plan every step of my pregnancy and hope that the complications are minor. She was very helpful and I like her a lot, but what she had to say wasn't what I wanted to hear. She referred me to a Perinatologist (a high risks baby doc) and he is going to go over everything that could, might and will happen to me and the baby. If he and my Rheumatologist say it is OK...then we can start trying in June. It sounds easy enough, but my Rheumatologist is saying not to even try until next year, but I don't see a point to wait. She wants me to be on the treatments for a year and see if my symptoms are still active. If they are then we will continue the medication and then to conceive. I don't see a point in waiting if I am going to be on the same medication in a year and I told her we would re-negotiate in 6 months, but I don't know if she is going to agree. On top of that, we have make sure that I am ovulating, don't have complications with my Lupus and don't hurt the baby. It is so much to handle at one time.

It looks like there are going to be more complications with me than the baby, which is GOOD news!!! All I want is to get pregnant and everyday more things come in between me and that goal. I hope that in the end I am able to conceive and we have a healthy, happy baby, but it is the waiting until then that is killing me. I guess I am just tried of being sick and having sickness complicate my life even more. What happens if I can't have a baby or is I am not ovulating correctly?? IVF is an option, but the hormones that they need to give me will mess with my Lupus...so I damned if I do and damned is I don't.

So I wait again...the hardest thing ever!